Rihanna Sends Pizza And Towels To Fans “As If You Needed More Reason To Worship Her”

in Opinion

One fan told the newspaper, “We couldn’t believe it. The pizza was only sent to our side of the queue.” I mean, you can’t buy everyone pizza, but you can spread a little goodwill and good vibes.

I have a slightly embarrassing secret — Rihanna intimidates the shit out of me. Because I want to be more like Rihanna. She rolls blunts on her bodyguard’s bald head and is probably a whole lot better than I am at it. She spends a lot of time just not giving a fuck. When someone owes me money, I text politely one time and then resent them silently, seething until they pay me back. Rihanna kidnaps them and takes them swimming before tying their asses up. I’m not scared of her, per se, it’s just that I feel like no matter how awesome I think I am, Rihanna is just cooler.

But being a badass, asking for what you want, and not making any apologies doesn’t make you an asshole though. While in Austin, her and her crew drank $80 worth of Jameson and Coke and she left a $200 tip on the tab. As a former waitress, that makes me want to make out with her.

Pizzas, towels, and big tips are really thoughtful gestures. Rihanna’s just a fucking softy deep down.

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